{ saying goodbye }

Yesterday we said goodbye to Bailey.  A full day early.  I had received a text from my mom that morning that the person who was going to trailer Bailey down to Kansas wanted to pick him up that evening instead of waiting until today.  After rushing through my clients and sending countless hours hounding the vet for his coggins, we loaded Bailey on the trailer and sent him on his way.

I don't know if it's really hit me yet that I said goodbye to him.  I know where he's going and I honestly don't know if my mom will keep him or not, but at least with everything else that is going on, I don't have to make that decision.

I was blessed for the past 3 years to own Bailey.  The lessons I learned and people I met.  Being able to share my passion with my son and have him love it as much as I do touched my heart.  I know this isn't the end to having a horse, it's just now isn't the time.  I hope that once I am healed from delivering Alex and once we get Alex's kidney healed and settled that I will be able to start taking riding lessons again.  The owners of the place where Bailey was boarded have offered Evan and I the chance to come out and ride their horses, you better believe that we'll take them up on that offer.

Bailey...you were an awesome first horse.  You taught me as much as I hope I taught you.  Thank you for always taking care of Evan whenever he was around you on or on your back.  I wish you the best.  I know you are going to be just an awesome horse for the right person.

{ Evan's last ride on Bailey }

{ Evan and Bailey }

{ exhausted }

At 32 weeks I feel like I have hit a brick wall.  Although I'm sure it has to do more with how exhausting this week is both physically and emotionally more than anything else.

I'm at the end of 6 day stretch at work.  I've been running around getting everything pulled together for Bailey to leave on Thursday and I still have no clue when I'll be loading him on the trailer.  Plus we have another follow up ultrasound on Thursday before our big meeting with the Pediatric Urologist next week.

On top of that  I've been trying to get our apartment ready and Evan settled with school starting soon and getting him back into swim lessons, I think I'm about to lose my ever lovin' mind.  Plus little baby has decided that letting me get any sort of sleep is for the birds.

By Friday afternoon I hope that I spend the entire weekend getting all the sleep I could ever want before the baby comes.  And I know these last few weeks are going to be rough and before I know it, Alex will be here and it will be whole other type of exhausted.

{ getting some practice }

{ Evan and his cousin, Addison }

Ever since my niece and nephew were born a little over 2 months ago, everytime Evan has been around the twins, we've tried to talk Evan into holding one of them.  He was never interested and said he would just watch.  He said that he would hold "our baby" (aka Alex) but he wasn't to sure about the twins.

Then today I got a text from my SIL with this picture.  I'm not exactly sure how they talked him into it.  I figured that maybe they bribed him.  But when I asked him about it he said that after they had asked him to hold one of the twins, he said yes because he needed some practice for Alex.

Evan has always been an awesome cousin.  He is the oldest of many and he has always wanted to play and watch out for the younger ones.  He's never quite sure about them when they are babies, but as they get older, he's all over them.

But because of that, I know he's going to make an awesome big brother.  He's so excited for Alex to be here and apart of our family.  Every night he says good night to my belly and when ever he sees my belly jump from Alex rolling around, he wants to feel.

While I'm sure there will be an adjustment period and probably some jealousy issues... but I think that everything is going to be fantastic and Evan's going to want to help out as much as he can.

{ friday letters }



Dear Boys :  I'm so proud of you.  You finally got your act together to get me a birthday present.  Yes...it's two and a half weeks late...but I love it and it was worth the wait.  But I totally would have been okay with a bag of M&M's too.

{ my new toy :: a nook tablet }

Dear Birthday Present :  I totally heart you.  I'm still learning how to operate you and all the cool things you can do.  Evan's pretty excited that you can actually read books to him.  (I'm hoping that when we're in the hospital...you might become a good distraction for him)

Dear Bailey:  Only a week left until you are leaving for your adventure to Kansas.  My mom is so excited to have you.  I'm not sure she'll keep you, but just know you are going to get your butt worked which is what you have needed since January but I haven't been able to do.

{ baby legs }

Dear Baby Things :  You are so stinkin' cute.  I forgot how much fun shopping for baby stuff is.  Yes there is quite a bit of you that I still have no idea where I'm going to store you, but I'm looking forward to actually being able to use you in the next 7 weeks.

{ carver side grandbabies }

Dear MIL :  You have no idea how touched I am that you included Charlie on your list of babies on the floor.  That very simple act has touched my heart and has helped heal it a little bit (Charlie was the name we gave the baby that I miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks almost a year ago)

{ the only time it's okay to color on the floor }

Today after meeting with the vet to get Bailey all set for his big move to Kansas, Evan and I met Mike at the inlaws home.  They had pulled up all their carpert to have it replaced later that morning.  When they had it done before, they let the kids (Mike and his sister) color on the floor before the new carpert was put in.  So this time,  they said that if we came back over before the new carpet was put in, Evan could leave his mark on their floor too.

{ coloring on the floor }

He had a blast.  He thought it was the coolest thing in the world to be allowed to color on the floor without being yelled at.  And now, his mark will forever be on that house and maybe even a surprise for future owners if they ever replace the carpet.

{ our names }

{ a flying saucer }

{ robot }



{ looking forward to you }

Just 8 weeks, I will be finishing packing and getting ready for you.  The next day, your daddy and I will head off early in the morning for your arrival.

I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time.  But I'm looking so forward to you and all the things that having a new baby in our home will mean.

I'm looking forward to those quiet moments when the rest of the world is sleeping and its just me and you.

I'm looking forward to you coos, cries, and smiles.

I'm looking forward to tiny toes, fingers, and ears.

I'm looking forward to that very first moment that I get to see you and hold you close to my chest.

I'm looking forward to seeing your daddy hold you for the very first time.

I'm looking forward to introducing you to your brother (he's probably just as excited for your pending arrival as we are)

I'm looking forward to you, Alex.  And all the blessings and joy you will bring to this family.  Your arrival outmeans we are getting closer to finishing our family and I simply can't wait for you to be here, safe and sound in our arms.

{ mommy issues }



We've been having "mommy" issues lately.

Or maybe just personal space issues.  For the past week or so, whenever I am on the couch or laying down, Evan finds me and proceeds to literally lay on top of me.  Whether it's just against my side or on top of my legs, he squeezes his tiny body has close to mine as he possible can.

I normally don't really care and enjoy the extra cuddle time with my buddy, but since I haven't been feeling the best I've become a little more aggitated by this behavior than I normally would be.

He also finds me at night.  He'll go to sleep in his own bed, quite easily now (which has helped both his attitude and my sanity), but around 2 in the morning he'll come find me and proceed to squish that little body into mine.  I've been okay with Evan coming into bed with me or Mike on occassion, but it's now become a nightly event.

I'm not really sure why this has started all a sudden.  I don't know if it's because he sees that we're getting ready for baby and he'll soon no longer be the only in the house, or because I've been gone a lot more between work and all the doctor appointments I've been to.

I'm not exactly sure how to handle it either.  If he really is worried about where he'll stand once the Alex comes, I want to give him all the comfort I can.  But I know very shortly I'll have two boys that are constantly on top of me.

But at the same time I want to teach Evan about personal space and when it's okay to cuddle and when it's not.  Either way I figure I'm in for a fight.  I'm just hoping that when Alex does make his appearance we'll have this issue figured out.

{ good thing you're cute }