{ weakness }

Today I went for my first run around the block in an embarrassingly long time.  The half a mile of which I ran (or really jogged), I only really ran about a 1/4th of it.  It still left me puffing for air and my legs and knees are still wobbly and weak.  But with it being nearly 50 in the Twin Cities, I would have been dumb not to get out and enjoy this weather.

It's hard to admit to myself that I really only have myself to blame when it comes to my lack of health and fitness.  It's hard to come to face to face with the fact that if I just loved myself enough, I would actually take care of myself instead of spending valuable time on worrying about what other people think of me.  People that really don't matter at all.  And truth smacked me in the face today when I could barely run a few yards.

I don't know how many times I have promised on this blog that THIS time...I would get my act together and find a way to be healthy.  That I would FINALLY figure out how to manage my household and work life and squeeze in some time to do yoga or take a jog around the block.  Because it hasn't happened yet.

But its not just my fitness.  My marriage, while strong now, is still on wobbly legs.  I know that I'm not yet the wife and partner that my husband needs and desires.  My two boys are my life, I feel I could improve in being a better mom and example for them.  And while financially we are doing better, I feel that we should be so much further in our lives.  

I have spent valuable time just putting one foot in front of the other, instead of being passionate about something...anything that would make this life...my life better.  So today, really is the first day of this new direction.  It's going to be hard, and I will constantly fail until I figure it all out.  It won't be tomorrow or even next week but it's time to take control and move forward.  And finally love this life.