{ glad it's over }

Today seemed never ending.  Maybe it’s because I still haven’t really gotten any sleep or because it’s Valentine’s Day or because we spent a good portion of the morning getting children ready to walk out the door at 8 am.  In any case, I’m glad today is coming to an end.

This morning my boys surprised me with candies and a new travel mug – since mine had been tossed for one reason or another, as well as the first 2 seasons of Boy Meets World. (ps.  I’m totally pumped that they are bringing it back…although it will be called Girl Meets World).  But we quickly had to make our way out the door.  Evan had school and Alexander had an ultrasound and follow up appointment with his Urologist.

We got caught in traffic.  We always seem to, especially when I don’t leave much time for us to get there after we get Evan on the bus.  But Alex did so well during his ultrasound and we quickly made our way across the complex to the specialty clinic.  The good news – Alex’s kidney hasn’t gotten any worse.  The bad news – Alex’s kidney hasn't gotten any better.  So?  Well in May we’ll go back for another ultrasound.  Mike and I have decided that if we’re in the same place we are now – we’re going to go ahead and schedule the surgery that will (hopefully) correct his blockage once and for all.

After spending the better part of our morning in St Paul, we headed back home and went out on a lunch date.  We figured it would be easier since Mike had to work tonight and being down one child might mean it would go a lot easier than if we had both.  It was so nice to be able to sit down and eat out with my husband today.  We agreed that we needed to find a time when we can go out sans kids to eat or something.

After eating we did some shopping before coming home.  I think we pushed our luck with Alex – because he was certainly cranky.  Alex hadn't really napped while we were out and when he did – they were very short.  So I spent the better part of the afternoon and early evening rocking, nursing, singing, swaddling a very overly tired and cranky baby that would. Not. Go. To. Sleep.  Although finally he did.

The rest of the evening just seemed to pass right on by.  No major surprises and Evan and I got back into our nightly routine since it had been a few days since Mike had been home, sick with the flu.  However, I am having the hardest time reading to Evan at night.  He never sits still or relaxes.  He seems to spend the entire time jumping from one spot to the next, laying all over me or his brother, or just plainly interrupting me while I’m reading with nothing that has to do with what we are reading or him really needing anything.  I just don’t get it.  But I just keep trying.  Hopefully one day we can get through our bedtime stories without much hassle (although I’m not holding my breath)

And although Mike is safely off to work and the boys (for now) are tucked into bed, I know that my day isn't over.  Alex will probably wake soon since he’s been asleep since 5 this afternoon.  There are dishes to be done.  Bills to be paid.  And other random things that need to get pulled together before tomorrow.  But that gets me thinking about tomorrow and that’s going to be another long day full of appointments, errands, and cranky babies.  Oye.  

Alex and his new Giraffe - Gary - He's just a little obsessed with it

{ we have an answers...sort of }

{ waiting for the urologist :: story of our lives }

Today we went back to St Paul to meet with Alex's urologist & get the results of the renograph he had done a week ago & it seems like surgery is in Alex's future...sort of...most likely...uh...hmmm...yeah.  The results of the renograph did confirm that Alex has a pretty severe blockage in junction where the ureter and kidney meet & it is unlikely that it will resolve itself because of how the kidney performed during the test even with an added diuretic.

{ getting cranky... }

BUT...Surgery won't happen tomorrow or even this month.  Instead in a month we go back to the urologist to have another ultrasound to see if it is resolving itself & if not - we'll discuss surgery further.  She does believe that we will be discussing surgery to correct this blockage but she wants to give Alex more time to grow & get stronger.  There is a very slim chance that it will resolve itself but all of us (yes, even Mike & I) are doubtful that we'll see any change in 4 weeks.

{ I seriously love this onesie }

I'm not surprised at the results & that surgery is becoming more of a reality for Alex.  It would be much easier for all of us if his kidney would just cooperate & fix itself so we could discontinue the antibiotics & stop spending all our days off at the doctors office.  But I am thankful that we now have more an idea of which direction we are headed in.  I'm also thankful that through all this Alex has been a trooper & super healthy in spite of all that stagnate urine in his kidney.

{ fist pump for being a trooper }

So once again...we wait...but with knowing which direction we're headed in...kinda.

{ what have I gotten myself into }

{ oh boy }

All I can say is "HOLY CRAP!  What in the world did I get myself into!"  It was baptism by fire today.  Evan was sick all night with a 101 fever so we kept him home from kindergarten today.  So instead of sending one away on the bus for a good solid part of the day,  I had two boys home today and since Mike returned to work today, he needed to get some extra  sleep before being up all night at work.

So it was me.  Only me.  With a overactive, 6 year old who doesn't understand when you're sick...you need to lay down and take it easy.  And 10 day old infant who is still trying to figure out breastfeeding even after meeting with a lactation consultant.  Believe  me it wasn't easy trying to balance the two and make sure I got a bite of food and a sip of water at some point during the day.

I knew I was going to struggle to find a balance especially during this time where we are trying to establish a regular schedule with Alex and works with Evan's schedule.  It also doesn't help that feedings for Alex can take upwards to an hour to an hour and half.  I am hopeful that once we figure out how to breastfeed better that feedings won't take nearly as long.

I also feel bad for Evan...I feel like I don't have any time for him anymore.  I try hard to make some time for just me and him even if it's 5 minutes...but it seems like Mike is taking care of him way more than I am.  And I miss the hour before bedtime with Evan.  The cuddles and reading before bed. 

This is hard.  Way harder than I thought it would be.  I know that I just have to stick it out.  It will eventually work itself out, but then of course by then I will be returning to work and then it will be a whole another transition...

::sigh::

At least my boys are cute and caffeine is awesome.

{ freakin' out }

Not going to lie...I'm kinda of freaking out.  About numerous things.  


1.  Us moving.  We have oh...45 days to turn in our notice.  I kinda want us to have already put down a deposit on the new place before we give notice, but that might not be the case.  That and trying to decide what would work for us financially.  Our housing budget has increased significantly (thanks Fairview!) but I will be out of work for almost 2 months.  I've been looking at larger 2 bedrooms instead of 3 or 4 bedrooms, thinking that we could easily afford a "smaller" place than what we can "technically" afford and then upgrade the following year.  Mike's not liking my idea at all...


2.  Being sick.  All.  the.  time.  I ran out of Zofran over the weekend and didn't really think about getting my prescription filled since the morning sickness had been manageable if not nonexistent.  Until this morning at 3 am when it came back with a vengeance.  To be honest, I thought there was no way I was going to make it through work...but I did.  I've also had no energy.  Which when I'm the only one who really cooks, cleans, pays the bills, etc...things haven't really been getting done.  Here's hoping that this weekend (although I work) I'll be able to accomplish a couple of things.


3. mmm...just generally freaking out about having another child.  Everything has really been worked out...well...except our living situation.  But Evan will be in all day Kindergarten next year, leaving Mike with only baby to worry about during the day.  And Fridays?  Well, we had always planned for baby to go to daycare.  I've been poking around...but I figured it didn't make much sense to do much in that department until we've figured out where we'll be living first.  oh.  and all the stuff.  I complied a list of everything we need...oh lord...remind me when I get sick of looking at all the baby stuff to put it in storage so I never have to buy all this stuff again.  (we're planning on at least having one more...if not more :) )