{TGBTL :: advice }

While I'm a day or two late on this linkup, I'm once again joining the girls that sponsor The Girl Between the Lines.

This weeks prompt ::  What is the most valuable advice you've ever received and why?

{ source }


Last summer was a heck of a summer.  After being married for almost 8 years, Mike and I had stopped communicating.  Both of us angry and turning away from each other and our marriage.  It was horrible.  It was to the point that both of my parents had offered to come and get the boys and I, I only needed to say the words.

Then Mike started having his seizures.  I was by his side through it all.

After Mike came home with a diagnosis of pseudo-seizures caused by emotional distress and sleep deprivation, we both sat down and really talked about our marriage and if it was worth saving.  While thinking and praying, I found the meme above inspired by this quote:

"Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, 'Choose your love; love your choice.' There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential."
-President Thomas S. Monson

It made me realize that I had chosen my husband and very much wanted our marriage.  It was now a matter of recommitting myself to my husband and our marriage.

It has been hard learning how to communicate with my husband again.  To be open and completely honest with him.  Some days are absolutely fabulous and others are not so much. But we've gotten closer and we both no longer walk on egg shells around each other.  It's almost like we've gotten back to how we were when we were first married.

{ strength :: TGBTL }

Once again joining up with Lauren & Hayley for TGBTL and honored to have been chosen as their post of the week from last week!

This Week's Prompt: Tell us about a trait you look up to or admire in someone in your life and why!

Strength.  The type of strength were you meet your challenges head on and not only meet them by thrive in spite of them.

{ my lovely sister :: Nanci }

My sister was in car versus semi-truck accident in early December 2012.  It left her in a coma for two weeks because of a traumatic brain injury.  This led to a drain in her skull to relieve the pressure and tracheotomy since she was unable to breath on her own very well.  The doctors always knew my sister was going to be okay because every time they lifted her sedation, she fought them breaking 3 sets of restraints and kicking nurse in the head.  When she did eventually wake up after a long 2 weeks for us, she tried to ask for her dog Duncan.  She was able to recognized all of us and while she didn't remember names all the time, she knew we belonged to her in some fashion.

{ my sisters and I after Nanci was moved to Bethseda }

Just a year ago Nanci was still in rehab at Bethseda in St Paul.  She was recovering well but we still were completely unsure if she would ever be able to live on her own.  Now, Nanci has moved back to Minnesota after finishing her recovery in Kansas under the watchful eyes of our mom to finish her art degree and strengthen her talents in blowing glass. 

{ Nanci now }

I admire her and her strength and how far she's come in just over 13 months.

{ making it count in 2014 }

I will make 2014 count by

slowing down and enjoying life.

trying new things.

flirting with my husband more.

hugging my boys more.

over using the words "i love you".

finding a creative outlet.

making new friends.

reconnecting with old friends.

reading books that are good for my soul.

believing in myself.

taking better care of myself.

learning a new skill.

being more selfless.

traveling and exploring.

studying the scriptures.

taking more photos.

being outside.

growing as a whole person.

listening.

trusting in God's plan.

{ what i'm doing differently in 2014 }

{ me & my boys }

Last year this time, I figured that 2013 would be my year.  I had it all planned out and mapped out, I was excited to feel like I had gotten somewhere by today.  Then life happened.  And it kicked me hard in the keister.  From picking up the pieces to help my sister, Nancy, recover from her TBI to realizing that I was on the brink of losing my marriage, to say that I'm glad that 2013 is over would be an understatement.

But I still have things planned for this year.  I do have lists and plans and will do a whole other post about it.  Not necessarily resolutions, but things I hope I can accomplish this next year.  In looking over my list I realize that it all stems down to one theme..

TO LOVE MORE.

To love my husband more.  To learn his love language and show him all the love I can.  I want rebuild our marriage and make it stronger than it has ever been.

To love my children more.  To be more "available" to them by putting down the phone or worrying about my "To Do" lists and get down on the floor and play with them.  To take them to more places for more experiences and to help them build relationships with friends and cousins.

To love my extended family & friends more.  To repair relationships where needed and build stronger connections with them.  all of them.  

To love my Heavenly Father more.  To serve him and my fellow church members in ways that I never expected.

To love the life I have while working towards the life I want.  I'm no where near where I want us to be as a family in life, but hating our life now isn't going to help us build for the future.  I hope that one day when we are where we want to be, I can look back and cherish the time we were all squished into our tiny apartment.

To be able to look in the mirror and love the reflection I see.  Not just appearance wise, but the whole picture.  My whole being.

{ goodbye 2013 ; hello 2014 }

2013 has been a rough year & I'm ready to say goodbye to such a trying year.

I'm ready for 2014 and am linking up with Simply Alli and her New Years Link Up Party

A bad habit I’m going to break: 

Disconnecting from people when things get to hard.  When times get tough I tend to become a hermit and withdrawal into myself and it's time to get over that.

A new skill I’d like to learn:

To knit

A person I hope to be more like:

My grandmother Nancy.  Although she passed away when I was still a child, she had this way of being loving and supportive to those who needed it most.

A good deed I’m going to do:

On my 29th birthday in July I'm planning on doing 29 RAK's to celebrate.  I'm making a list ranging from sending a card to a random person who needs a "pick me up" to paying for someone's meal/drink. I'm hoping to involve Evan in some way so he can learn that the simplest acts of kindness mean the most.

A place I’d like to visit:

I'm not really sure.  We have a family reunion planned for the summer in Utah and it's been forever since I have been there and seen many of my cousins.

A book I’d like to read:

Oh the list I have...but I'll probably start with Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin or  1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

A letter I’m going to write:

I'm planning just like Alli to spend more time writing to friends and relatives and sending them via snail mail.  I've set a goal writing to my parents once a month since both live out of state.  I'm kinda hoping I can keep with it! 

A new food I’d like to try:

Butterbeer.  Seriously.

I’m going to do better at:

Being happy and learning to love the life I have while working towards the life I want.

{ not another marriage advice post }

You won't find any marriage tips here.  

Or advice I have pinned on my marriage board on Pinterest.

Or cute pictures of my husband and I at some recent event or photography session.

But this is where I tell you that I'm down in the trenches with you.  

Fighting for the health of my marriage, just like you.

That it's hard coming back from the brink of separation, divorce, or infidelity.

That the good days are very good and the bad days are even worse.

Where trying to get over the "what ifs", the "could've beens", the "should've beens" and learning to "love your choice" can be more difficult than you've ever thought.

But my husband is a good man.  

Who loves me dearly and is fighting for our marriage just like I am.

And it's hard. 

But I'm right here with you.

{ overwhelmed...again }

I sit here with my cup of tea and wonder how we got here…again.  The past few months have been hectic and scary for me, the one who worries about everything and feels uncomfortable when our bank account is less than $100.

Mike’s nervous breakdown back in July led to job loss and his employer fighting us tooth and nail on paying unemployment.  And even in the end, we still never saw a penny.  Lucky for us we have loving parents and siblings who helped in any way they could.  But this summer was also spent with social workers and filling out paper work for SNAP and worrying about how we were going to make it until Mike was working again.

Thankfully we were blessed with Mike getting a job quickly.  And in the beginning it seemed like it was heaven sent.  Mike was home at night.  His anxiety and shaking had diminished.  While I needed to work as much overtime as I could to get us caught up financially – we hoped it would be short lived and started to breathe again…even though it was just a little bit.

Then Mike received an email a month or two ago.  His current employer had been bought out by a national security company.  His job would be safe and as Mike went through the process of transferring to the new company, we figured it would be heaven sent. 

Then Mike told me he would have to bid for his hours and station.  I was optimistic until I looked at the bid schedule and what was available.  It’s not good.  Not even in the slightest.  What makes things worse is Mike was unable to attend bidding today.  A union rep was to bid for him and we still haven’t heard if and what he will get.  In the end worst case scenario is that his hours are cut in half.

I’m trying to stay positive.  I cling onto the fact that we’re both still employed.  We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  The worst it means is I’ll have to continue to work as much overtime as possible and balance an even tighter budget.   The money Mike will receive from financial aid once he starts school next month will help take the edge off and getting Mike through school as quickly as we can will mean better job opportunities for him.