{ TGBTL :: You Are of Infinite Worth }

I'm a once again late to the party - but I'm so sad that this is the last time to join Lauren and Hayley for The Girl Behind the Lines.  I wish these girls the best of luck on their newest adventures and hope that maybe one day they will bring it back.

This Week's Prompt: Tell us a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

 

{pinned here}

As a teen, I suffered from major depression.  I still do, and had horrible postpartum depression with both boys.  There were days where I could barely get through the day.  I would have to force myself to get out of bed, put a smile on my face and some how put one foot in front of the other.  It took all my energy and I would count down the minutes until I could climb into my bed and shut out the world again.

I often felt like a failure and that I was unworthy of love and affection.  I spent too much time replaying conversations through my head.  Wondering that if only I had said something different, the conversation would have gone another way.  I was easily hurt by those who brushed me off or continually cancelled on play dates or to hang out.  I found it easier to build walls around myself to protect my heart from everyone, including myself.

I was lucky enough to have parents who recognized that I needed help when I was young.  I started rounds anti-depressants and therapy.  It took years to find the right combination of medication and the right therapist.  During those times I was able to recognize when I would start to fall into a depression and found healthy ways to get out of the depression.  Every so often once I thought I was doing well and with doctor approval, I would wean off my medication and would do well for a year or two, before getting to a place again where I needed more help.

Through hours of therapy, I have now come to realize that I am of infinite worth.  I am deserving of love and affection, and those who don't believe that I am worth their time do not matter.  I need not to give them that kind of power over me.  It's still hard.  I still have bad days where the tasks of daily living just drain it all out of me and people have been unkind and my heart just aches.  But, remembering those words above makes it easier, even on those toughest of days.

{ TGBTL :: Pinterest obession }

So it's been a few weeks since I have joined The Girl Between the Lines Blog Linkup - but I'm once again joining Lauren & Hayley

 

 



This weeks prompt ::

Share your top 5 Pinterest Pins this week.

Like everyone else, I'm a little pinterest obsessed.  I probably pin far too often and with so many things that I will probably never get the time to do with two little boys, but it's my favorite website.

1.  Every girl deserves a photo like this.  ::  Pinterest wasn't around when I got married almost 9 years ago, so I love to browse the pins in the wedding section.  I came across this picture and told my husband that when we have our family pictures done this fall I absolutely must have a picture taken like this during our session.

2.  Brownie Batter Overnight Protein Oatmeal ::  I love pinterest for all the different recipes I can find.  Since I have realized that I finally need to shed the lbs and become a more healthier and happier version of myself, I have been looking at different healthy recipes to start my day off with.  I haven't tried this one yet but I'm planning on picking up the cocoa powder tomorrow and will give it a whirl on Friday.

3.  Cross Fit at home workouts :: Same idea with the overnight brownie batter protein oatmeal, I've been looking at workouts that are fun and get me up and moving.

4.  DIY chandelier ::  One of my goals this year is to make our small apartment feel more like home.  Since Mike returned to school for at least 2 years, we will continue to live here until he graduates and we know where he will find a job with the MN DNR.  We are starting with our master bedroom and I've been looking at chandeliers and other things that I can make and hang from the ceiling to make the room more personalized.

5.  DIY Cardigian Revamp ::  As you can tell, I'm a bit in love with DIY projects.  While most of my wardrobe is made of scrubs, I would really like to dress things up a little bit when I'm not at work. Since I love to shop at thrift stores, I've been looking at inspiration for how to dress up some of my finds.

I'm looking forward to seeing the other favorite pins from those who are from the blog linkup and if not, please leave me your pinterest link because I would love to see all the things that inspire you!

You can follow me here.
 

{ TGBTL :: Life now }

It's that time of week again and I'm joining TGBTL with Lauren and Hayley.

 

 

This Week's Prompt: We all imagined what our lives would like like when we were "all grown up"... how does that compare to what your life looks like now?

 Last night I laid in bed with my husband, listening to the quiet of our small apartment and asked him if the life we have now was what he thought his life would be like.  He said both yes and no.  While where we are in life, still living in our first apartment and him just now returning to school wasn't the plan...me and the boys were always apart of his picture what his life plan.

I, on the other hand, looking back to where I thought I would be at this time 11 years ago as I was finishing my senior year in high school, was completely different.  The plan had been to go the North Dakota and obtain a double major in Biomedical Sciences and Lab Technology so I could work through med school.  I had planned on working with a horse trainer and to help train a few of the horses she had as an undergraduate.  I thought at the time I would marry my then boyfriend and have a huge family since both of us came from large families.

But life happened.  I needed a knee surgery and which kept me from working with horses for a few years.  I learned that the person who I though would spend the rest of my life with, wasn't the person I thought he was and our relationship was extremely unhealthy.  I, then, gave the one boy who I never thought things would ever work out a chance and ended up engaged within 3 months of us dating.  And while I never did finish my degree because I moved home and married and started a family, I'm not all that sad about it.

I look at where I am now and love where I am.  I found a home in my husband and children.  The home I had been looking for since my parents divorced.  I look at the rest of my life and see the possibilities.  I still have time to finish a degree in the healthcare field when it's time.  Horses will always play a roll in my life, especially since I know quite a few women in their 80's who still get out there and run barrels like no other.  I still see at least one more baby if not more, Mike and I had always agreed on a large family.  And I really couldn't see spending my life with anyone else than the man who is still right next to me watching police dash cam videos on YouTube.