{ goodbye 2013 ; hello 2014 }

2013 has been a rough year & I'm ready to say goodbye to such a trying year.

I'm ready for 2014 and am linking up with Simply Alli and her New Years Link Up Party

A bad habit I’m going to break: 

Disconnecting from people when things get to hard.  When times get tough I tend to become a hermit and withdrawal into myself and it's time to get over that.

A new skill I’d like to learn:

To knit

A person I hope to be more like:

My grandmother Nancy.  Although she passed away when I was still a child, she had this way of being loving and supportive to those who needed it most.

A good deed I’m going to do:

On my 29th birthday in July I'm planning on doing 29 RAK's to celebrate.  I'm making a list ranging from sending a card to a random person who needs a "pick me up" to paying for someone's meal/drink. I'm hoping to involve Evan in some way so he can learn that the simplest acts of kindness mean the most.

A place I’d like to visit:

I'm not really sure.  We have a family reunion planned for the summer in Utah and it's been forever since I have been there and seen many of my cousins.

A book I’d like to read:

Oh the list I have...but I'll probably start with Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin or  1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

A letter I’m going to write:

I'm planning just like Alli to spend more time writing to friends and relatives and sending them via snail mail.  I've set a goal writing to my parents once a month since both live out of state.  I'm kinda hoping I can keep with it! 

A new food I’d like to try:

Butterbeer.  Seriously.

I’m going to do better at:

Being happy and learning to love the life I have while working towards the life I want.

{ not another marriage advice post }

You won't find any marriage tips here.  

Or advice I have pinned on my marriage board on Pinterest.

Or cute pictures of my husband and I at some recent event or photography session.

But this is where I tell you that I'm down in the trenches with you.  

Fighting for the health of my marriage, just like you.

That it's hard coming back from the brink of separation, divorce, or infidelity.

That the good days are very good and the bad days are even worse.

Where trying to get over the "what ifs", the "could've beens", the "should've beens" and learning to "love your choice" can be more difficult than you've ever thought.

But my husband is a good man.  

Who loves me dearly and is fighting for our marriage just like I am.

And it's hard. 

But I'm right here with you.

{ overwhelmed...again }

I sit here with my cup of tea and wonder how we got here…again.  The past few months have been hectic and scary for me, the one who worries about everything and feels uncomfortable when our bank account is less than $100.

Mike’s nervous breakdown back in July led to job loss and his employer fighting us tooth and nail on paying unemployment.  And even in the end, we still never saw a penny.  Lucky for us we have loving parents and siblings who helped in any way they could.  But this summer was also spent with social workers and filling out paper work for SNAP and worrying about how we were going to make it until Mike was working again.

Thankfully we were blessed with Mike getting a job quickly.  And in the beginning it seemed like it was heaven sent.  Mike was home at night.  His anxiety and shaking had diminished.  While I needed to work as much overtime as I could to get us caught up financially – we hoped it would be short lived and started to breathe again…even though it was just a little bit.

Then Mike received an email a month or two ago.  His current employer had been bought out by a national security company.  His job would be safe and as Mike went through the process of transferring to the new company, we figured it would be heaven sent. 

Then Mike told me he would have to bid for his hours and station.  I was optimistic until I looked at the bid schedule and what was available.  It’s not good.  Not even in the slightest.  What makes things worse is Mike was unable to attend bidding today.  A union rep was to bid for him and we still haven’t heard if and what he will get.  In the end worst case scenario is that his hours are cut in half.

I’m trying to stay positive.  I cling onto the fact that we’re both still employed.  We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  The worst it means is I’ll have to continue to work as much overtime as possible and balance an even tighter budget.   The money Mike will receive from financial aid once he starts school next month will help take the edge off and getting Mike through school as quickly as we can will mean better job opportunities for him.