{ currently :: vol 6 }

My favorite picture of Alex...I took it a while ago but have been spending some time finding pictures to print to put in some frames I received for mother's day.  Even though Alex is all gooey-eyed and snot-nosed - this is my Alex.

But this is what I've been up to this week ....

currently ::

reading :: It's not a secret that I love YA books.  So I've been on a YA kick and started One or Two Things I Learned about Love by Dyan Sheldon - however I decided that this one wasn't for me.  But I did finish both Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater and Scarlet (the Lunar Chronicles #2) by Marissa Meyer this week.  I'm itching to start the 3rd book in the lunar chronicles series Cress.

writing ::  My goals for July...and revisiting the list I wrote for my 30 by 30 list.  There are some good ones...I'm hoping that I can finally commit and just do everything I hope to do!

listening ::  The Sister Wives.  I normally have the tv on in the background.  It drives my husband nuts but while I'm okay with being by myself - I hate silence.  I always seem to need some noise of some kind.

thinking ::  How much I really need to get my spring summer cleaning done this week.  Seriously...it's bad.

smelling ::  boy...our whole apartment smells like boy...I really need to get that cleaning done!

wishing ::  my 3-day weekend would get here sooner.  I've been working since last Monday after getting back from the cabin.  I'm ready for a break.

hoping ::  the boys sleep tonight!  While Evan was gone this weekend to Iowa with both my SIL and MIL, Alex still hasn't been sleeping well and decides that he needs to be up for the day anywhere from 4 am to 5 am.  It gets a little tiring.

wearing ::  my Ellie's Light t-shirt from the Light up the Lanes event last year.  If you live in the MN metro area - please come join us this year (July 29th) to help both celebrate and raise money for all the wonderful things we do in the name of my niece, Ellie.

loving ::  my boys and what neat people they are.  They are still small but it's amazing to watch them grow and learn.  I love seeing them discover new things and trying to figure who they got their personality traits from.

wanting :: a horse...It's been about 2 years since I have last been on a horse and I ache for it.  I'm hoping by the end of the summer or early fall I can find a way to take a lesson or two and get on a horse again.

needing :: to actually complete on everything on my "to do" list this week...here's hoping that I will!

feeling ::  a little less heart-sick this week and just worn out...I'm hoping that by getting my summer cleaning done and getting everything less cluttered...I'll feel a little better.

What have you been up to this week?

{ currently }

{ Evan and his very first fish }

It was a long weekend.  We took off late Thursday night go spend sometime with my sister and brother in law at his family cabin in northern MN.  It was long and fun.  Full of sun and water and quite a few tears from the boys about swimming in the lake - but we did have fun.

but currently ::

reading ::  Cinder by Marissa Meyer - it's  retelling of Cinderella and I'm already half way through the book.  I'm contemplating seeing if the second book is available at one of the libraries in the area.

writing ::  to do lists and reading lists.  I feel like as soon as I finish one book and I've added several to my reading list.

listening :: A Thousand Years cover by the Piano Guys.  I absolutely love them and the covers they do.  It puts the boys to sleep and I enjoy listening to them...win-win.

thinking ::  birthdays...Evan turns 8 on Wednesday and two weeks later I enter the last year of my twenties.  I still haven't figured out what to get Evan nor have I figured out what exactly I want to do for my own birthday - but I'm sure it will come to me.

smelling ::  sunshine and sunscreen.  We spent a great deal of time outside the boys smell of the sun.  It's also worn them out which is awesome!

wishing :: I had another day off to get things back in order...at least I only have to wait two days.

hoping ::  for good things this week...

wearing :: jammies because I'm headed off to bed soon...hopefully

wanting ::  to take a photography class...I have this dslr camera for months and it would be nice to REALLY know how to take pictures with it instead of always leaving it on auto.

needing ::  some good sleep...I haven't slept for days since the bed we had at the cabin should be burned and buried in the woods.

feeling ::  a little heart-sick...hopefully good things will come this week.

what are you currently up to?

{ sunday currently :: 4th edition }

This has to be on of my new favorite pictures of Evan.  My camera is filled with of pictures of Alex since he'll humor me and sit in front of the camera.  Evan normally runs off as soon as he sees me whip it out and only humors me when he feels like it.

Oh well....but here's what I've been up to...

CURRENTLY ::

READING ::  So I've been on a reading kick recently.  I've read more in the past few months that I have in years and it feels wonderful.  I grew up in a household where I read a book a night and my mom would have to come and take books from me so I would go to sleep.  So far I've demolished Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire, Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire, Losing It by Cora Carmack, Racing Savannah by Miranda Kenneally, and Juliet Immortal by Stacey Jay.  Most them were good and I'll probably read more written by the authors, except Miranda Kenneally.  Maybe I need to give another one of her books a chance - but I just didn't like her writing style.  

WRITING ::  I keep promising myself that I will write more here and in journals.  It's cathartic and it's something that I need to find time to do.  Even if it's only a sentence.

LISTENING ::  To children playing outside.  While both of my kids are tucked into bed since we start our days off super early during the week, but it reminds me of summer days when the street lights coming on was my curfew and if my mom whistled we needed to hurry our butts home.

SMELLING ::  Summer...it's here and I love it.

WISHING ::  For another day off.  I've been off all weekend, but I wish I could have another day off just to relax and get caught up on everything else that I wanted to do this weekend.

HOPING ::  That everything goes well when we head up to the cabin in two weeks.  We're spending a long weekend up at my brother in-law's family cabin before he heads back to Afghanistan for work.  It will be at least another couple of months before he's on leave again and Mike has been missing his friend.  Hopefully the boys will behave on the long car ride there and back and will do well at the lake.

WEARING :: My usual uniform of jeans and a t-shirt.

LOVING :: my husband.  It sounds kind of cheesy but I'm trying to make more of an effort to love my husband in the way that he feels loved best.  

WANTING :: A bigger home.  We outgrew our apartment years ago, but the rent is cheap and I know that we can afford it, especially with Mike in school and with daycare.  But I can still dream, right?

NEEDING :: To go to bed, the start of my day will be here sooner than I expect and since I've been up since 6 - I should probably go to bed sooner rather than later.

FEELING ::  Unsure.  It seems odd but the past few weeks have been stressful and I have felt unsure about everything.  But things are looking up, I'm still just unsure about it all.

What you currently up to?

{ instafriday }

Joining Jeannett and showing off our week instagram style. 

 You can follow me @emilyacarver

Our favorite park recently opened up.  It's just a bunch of fountains and shallow pools to walk through.  The boys love it and since it wears them out I have no problem taking them there most evenings!

We took the boys to the MN Zoo on Memorial day and while I snapped a bunch of pictures of my "real" camera, this is the only one I snapped on my phone.  

We started off this week at the doctor's office after Alex woke up with a fever.  I figured it was his ears - but it wasn't.  Instead there was an outbreak of hand, foot, mouth disease at daycare and Alex was lucky enough to pick it up.  All I can say is ick!

Evan had to miss the last two days of school because he caught the same virus.  Luckily, he didn't get a rash or blisters - but he still was feeling pretty crappy.  We spent his last day of school watching a lecture on Quantum theory.  You can watch it here.  That should count towards learning, right?

We did however stop by his school to clean out his desk and say goodbye to this teachers.  He was a little sad he didn't get to say goodbye to his classmates - but he's already looking forward to next year!

{ sunday currently :: volume 4 }

I found out that our favorite park (Nicollet Commons Park) had finally opened up on Friday.  The boys were more than happy to spend the evening after pizza night splashing in the water until I had to drag them away for bed time.  We will defiantly be spending a good portion of our summer there.

I'm once again joining Lauren to catch up what's currently happening here.

CURRENTLY ::

READING ::  I actually have read quite a bit this week.  I'll probably finish my third book of the week sometime this evening.  I read The Time of My Life by Cecelia Ahern, and now I'm pretty much going to read everything she's written.  Maybe not right away, but as I go, she'll be an author that I follow.  I also read Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen.  I've been trying to keep some of my choices of the Rory Gilmore Book Challenge as part of my 30 by 30.  And lastly I'm almost finished with The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida.  It's written by an autistic 13 year old and it's pretty fascinating.  I have a nephew who was diagnosed 3 years ago, and I'm hoping that this will help me better understand his perspective on life and what my sister in law deals with everyday.
WRITING ::  I'm not really writing anything right now.  I have plans for keeping up with my journal better and writing here more.
LISTENING ::  Right now the quiet of our apartment.  Both boys are in bed and the dishwasher is running.  It's peaceful and calm.  However I've had "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore and "Birthday" by Katy Perry stuck in my head for days now.
THINKING :: I'm so glad to have another day off!  As long as the weather holds, we're headed to the MN Zoo in the morning and then off to a BBQ with my sisters.
SMELLING :: The Ooey Gooey Butter Cake I made yesterday.  It didn't quite turn out the way that I thought it would, but it was delicious!
WISHING :: The boys would sleep in tomorrow.  While I personally plan to be up early so I can do a couple loads of laundry and pack things for the day, it would be nice if they were asleep for a good portion of that.
HOPING :: That Mike's bid this week goes well at work.  Mike's company has to rebid for their schedules since a new schedule is being put out from the county.  This could be good news if he gets a good bid and his hours go up, but it could also go very badly quickly.  Especially since he was promised 35 hours last time and he barely got 20 if we were lucky.
WEARING :: An emerald dress my sister found for me when we went shopping recently.  She was pretty pleased with herself since both dresses I bought that day, she had found.
LOVING ::  Tazo Passion tea...I'm not quite sure why I haven't been drinking tea recently but it's the best way to end my day!
WANTING ::  To take a photography class.  Early this year my husband bought me my first Nikon dslr camera.  I can remember a few things from when I took photography class in high school, but I'm thinking that I may check out a community class or a class at the local community college.
NEEDING ::  A foot rub - I spent a good portion of the day cleaning our apartment.
FEELING ::  Content.  It was a rough week last week since I felt like Mike and I were on different pages, but we figured it out and it seems like we both are headed in the same direction now.

What are you currently up to?

{ insta-friday }

I'm joining Jeannett for instafriday.  Here's what we've been up to instagram style.

You can follow me @emilyacarver

We went on our first bike ride with the boys last week - Alex gave up on the way home because I asked him to keep his feet up instead of dragging them on the sidewalk.  Lesson learned - put his old shoes on so we don't have to carry both a trike and a screaming tot.

I often forget how tall Mike is compared to our boys - but these two have one of the sweetest father/son relationships

I love Alex's messy curls.

Alex has been obsessed with this picture of Ellie.  He carries it around and give it kisses.  How much we miss her and I think that she would have gotten a kick out of Alex

I found this picture in my camera roll.  I guess the boys were playing with my phone and taking pictures.  It's one of the few I have of Evan since normally tries to hide his face when I take pictures.

This morning we woke up at 4 AM.  All Alex wanted was to walk around with his sunglasses on.  Yep they are from the dollar bin at Target and are meant to be for girls...but hey he wanted them and I never get to buy girly things anyways!

{ happy mothers day }

 

Happy Mothers Day to Everyone!

 

I'm so blessed to be the mom to these two boys and to the one we lost.

They are the reason I get up in the morning and will do everything I can to be a better person.

Even when I want to pull my hair out because they are driving me up a wall.

{ the sunday currently :: volume 2 }

{ husband totally photo bombing }

 

Joining Lauren  again for "The Sunday Currently"

 

CURRENTLY ::

 

READING ::  I'm still working on Angela's Ashes.  I'm hoping to finish it early this week so I can move on to something else...

WRITING :: lists of ideas for a joint 30th birthday/10 year anniversary party for next year.  Mike and I both turn 30 and will celebrate our 10 years of marriage in the Fall.  We've just started planning...I'm really excited though.

LISTENING ::  This Will Be Our Year by the Zombies.  I ran across this song while on pinterest and I love it.

THINKING :: I should be going to bed soon...it was a really long but good weekend.  But I'm sure I should hit the hay soon since I need to be up early for work.

WISHING :: This week was already done and it was the weekend.  I can't wait to be done with this work week and able to just "be" this weekend. 

LOVING ::  The fact we got to celebrate our friends getting married last night.  It was a long time in the works, but they finally tied the knot and we had a blast celebrating with them last night. 

WANTING ::  this!  We took the boys out for their first bike ride of the spring (since it was finally nice enough here)  But I totally want my own bike to cruise along with the boys...except we would have to put a toddler seat on the back of the bike...but it would totally be worth it.

NEEDING :: the drive to finish my spring cleaning.  I've done a little but my new schedule at work has blown my drive to get everything done that I hope to before summer is in full swing.

FEELING ::  blessed and tired...

 

what have you been up to this week?

{ the sunday currently :: volume 1 }

{ confetti eggs at our annual Hall Family Chreaster }

After reading Lauren @ siddathornton and her "The Sunday Currently" post, I figured that I would play along too, so here we go...

CURRENTLY...

READING :: I just finished The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.  It was the first book that I finished off the Rory Gilmore book challenge.  I haven't had much time for reading because of the holiday and having two very over active boys.  I hoping that after this week once things settle down I can continue and finish my next book Angela's Ashes.

WRITING :: I'm trying to make it more of a point to write in my journal.  Even if it's a sentence of how I'm feeling.  I really want to spend this last year and a half before entering my thirties knowing who I am.  As well as being able to remember the hilarious things that come out of the mouths of my boys.

LISTENING ::  After watching the MTV Movie awards several weeks ago, we've become a little obsessed with Twenty One Pilots.  It's always on in our car and not a day goes by that we don't play "car radio".  I'm really disappointed that they aren't coming to Minnesota any time soon...but maybe they'll change there minds and head in our direction.

SMELLING ::  Rain...it's been raining here all day and it smells fresh.  I love the smell of rain.  Also because it's been a long horribly cold winter here...for it to finally smell like spring makes my heart swoon.

WISHING :: For it to already be Friday.  It's been a long weekend full of family and...well today was just horrible.  Not that I don't enjoy my work, but I could really use a day where everyone is gone and I have the place all to myself to several hours.

HOPING :: That Alex's ear infection is finally on it's way out.  He is on his second round of antibiotics for this ear infection from hell.  This week has been horrible for our schedule and for our sleep.  Luckily he takes his meds like a champ and seems to be on the mend.  However his schedule was so thrown off this week, I'm sure it's going to take a week or more to get back to his regular schedule.

WEARING ::  Nothing impressive...it's Sunday night and bedtime...so it's sweats and a T-shirt

LOVING ::  All the pins I just pinned to my summer board on pinterest.  The plan is to spend every. single. evening. at the pool park.  This means bathing suits and picnic lunches.  I'm just so ready for summer.

WANTING :: a puppy.  We recently found out that where we rent will allow us to have a dog.  I still have tons of work to do on my spring cleaning list before we can even consider bringing a dog home, but it doesn't mean that I can't look, right?  That and I need to find a way to completely sell the hubby on the whole idea.

NEEDING :: a vacation.  I've been working tons of over recently and I feel like I just need to leave for a long weekend and enjoy the company of my boys and husband.

FEELING ::  Tired.  Maybe because it's bedtime and I haven't slept in a few days...here's hoping Alex sleeps through the night!

What are you up to?

{ on my heart :: dear brother }

Dear brother,

It's raining here tonight and I'm not exactly sure why I'm thinking of you, but I am.  Maybe it's because you haven't returned phone calls, text messages and Facebook messages in months.  I know you've read them.  I'm not sure what's caused your radio silence, especially since it sounds like I'm the only sibling you haven't blatantly cut off.

The last time we were talked, I knew you were hurting.  I could hear it in your voice that you were both physically and mentally screaming in pain.  I hate that you have turned to what you have to deal with that pain.  Every time we've talked you've wanted to find help.  You just haven't, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because you aren't ready.  Or your wife isn't ready.  Maybe it's because you haven't hit rock bottom yet.  But sadly I wouldn't be surprised if I received a phone call that your vice has taken you.  And what scares me most, is that I almost expect that call any day now.

I watch your nephews, and see all the things you've missed out on.  I see how much they are like you.  I know you would get a kick out of them.  Evan talks about wanting to try out hockey and Alex has no fear, just like you. I see them and know that they will never really know the uncle that fiercely loves them.

Unless something changes.

I want you back, dear brother.  I have missed the closeness that we had once we were both out of the house and grown.  I wish you would talk to me so I can tell you all the things I've wanted to for months.  Even if you aren't ready to get the help that you need, I wish I knew that you were okay.  Even in the slightest sense of the word.  And if you won't talk to me, please talk to someone.  Find a way out of the personal hell you have found yourself in.

We are here for you.  Me, your brother in law, your sisters, and even your dad.  Ready for you whenever you are ready for us.

{ happy easter }

{ cousins! }

 

Happy Easter everyone! 

 

I hope that everyone had a blessed day and enjoyed celebrating with their families today!

 

 

{ 30 by 30 }

In 457ish days I will leave my twenties and turn the big 3-0.  So to celebrate the last year and some odd days in my twenties, I wanted to make a bucket list.  It's full of things that I will help me grow and say goodbye to my twenties, as well as getting me ready for all the things that my thirties have in store for me.

So here it is::

Be at my goal weight :: Run a 5k, 10k, and half marathon :: complete 30, 100, and 365 projects :: volunteer :: do something that scares me (skydiving) :: romantic getaway for me & the hubby :: take the boys camping :: read all the standard works :: make our apartment feel like home :: refurbish a piece of furniture :: share testimony :: receive temple recommend :: get financially ready to purchase a home ::  sister getaway :: learn a new craft (knitting) :: learn a new sport (snowboarding) :: donate blood :: learn html/web design :: take a photography class :: go to a concert :: get on a horse again :: project life/SMASH journal :: read all the books on the Rory Gilmore Book Challenge :: finish my mom's quilt :: go to a sporting event :: reconnect with an old friend/make a new friend :: spa day :: cook through an entire cookbook :: RAK day :: Family photos taken.

Looking at it, I know it's a lot.  But I really want to accomplish everything on this list.  I know I can and as I check off each of these items I'll do an update.  I have already started on a couple of the items so, hopefully I'll be able to cross one off soon!

{ winter :: i give up }

 

I don't actually hate winter.  I actually enjoy the snow and cold.  I used to enjoy the fluffy coats of the horses and the winter trail rides with my mom.  The big snow flakes and sledding.  But this winter is different.  With no barn to run off to and the epic frigid temperatures, I'm ready to throw in the towel.

 

Tonight, here in MN, we are expecting 6 to 8 inches in our area and I'm over it.  I'm ready for spring.  To see green grass and sunshine.  I'm ready for dinners to be picnics at the park so the boys can run off their left over energy from the day.  I'm ready to start running outside where I don't have to worry if I'm going to slip and fall on my butt on the ice.

 

I'm tired of being stuck in our small apartment with two hyper-active boys.  I'm tired of icy roads and snow emergencies.  I'm tired of grey and cold.  I'm done winter.  Totally and utterly done.

 

 



{ let the nuk war begin }

{ just a 'few' of Alex's nuks }

Alex had his 18 month checkup on Friday.  I hadn't really been worried about him meeting his milestones since he has smashed through them, normally only being a week or two behind his cousins.  However, when I checking milestones off his chart for the doctor, I realized that Alex is far behind in his verbal skills.

Alex is very vocal.  I have no problem knowing what he wants or needs.  However, he should be calling us "mama" and "dada" and having a vocabulary of 15 to 20 words.  He is no where near that.  In talking to his doctor there could be a number of reasons why Alex isn't where he should be verbally.  He could either be just too stubborn or sees no use to speak since I can tell read him well without being being verbal.  He could also have some hearing loss because of all the ear infections, and since we were told a year ago that hearing loss in his left ear was likely, I wouldn't be surprised.  Or lastly it could be caused by the nuk.

So no more nuk expect at nap times and bed time.  He isn't allowed his nuk during the day while at daycare except at nap time, however I didn't really enforce the rule at home.  We've gotten past the bottle stage without any fuss, so I figured when we started enforcing the "no nuk" policy at home, it wouldn't be so bad.  I was wrong. 

On Sunday, after coming to terms that we were going to have to start, we gave Alex several chances to hand over the nuk.  He wouldn't.  So Mike took it from him.  Alex then refused to have anything to do with him and would cry if left in the room with Mike.  A couple hours later, Evan saw that Alex had found another nuk somewhere and took it from him.  Alex then decided that Evan was the devil as well.  It was a long day yesterday.

Today we did a little better, but only because Alex was a daycare a good portion of the day.  While I'm sure that the nuk isn't the only reason he isn't verbal, I'm sure it doesn't help.  And I would rather rule it out.

{ happy birthday }

Dear Husband,

Today you are 29 years old!  Last year was one of the toughest years we could have gone through, and I feel like we are now the strongest we have ever been.  Today wasn't anything special.  It was spent getting haircuts for you and Evan, and running other random errands.  It was so nice to sit down with my sisters and your friend, Jon, and just enjoy the company and eat at our favorite restaurant.

I know you are worried about getting old and turning grey, but I feel like we are now hitting our stride and  have so much life in front of us.  I love you.  Every bit of you.  And I couldn't picture anyone else by my side.

Happy Birthday, Mike!

{ TGBTL :: You Are of Infinite Worth }

I'm a once again late to the party - but I'm so sad that this is the last time to join Lauren and Hayley for The Girl Behind the Lines.  I wish these girls the best of luck on their newest adventures and hope that maybe one day they will bring it back.

This Week's Prompt: Tell us a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

 

{pinned here}

As a teen, I suffered from major depression.  I still do, and had horrible postpartum depression with both boys.  There were days where I could barely get through the day.  I would have to force myself to get out of bed, put a smile on my face and some how put one foot in front of the other.  It took all my energy and I would count down the minutes until I could climb into my bed and shut out the world again.

I often felt like a failure and that I was unworthy of love and affection.  I spent too much time replaying conversations through my head.  Wondering that if only I had said something different, the conversation would have gone another way.  I was easily hurt by those who brushed me off or continually cancelled on play dates or to hang out.  I found it easier to build walls around myself to protect my heart from everyone, including myself.

I was lucky enough to have parents who recognized that I needed help when I was young.  I started rounds anti-depressants and therapy.  It took years to find the right combination of medication and the right therapist.  During those times I was able to recognize when I would start to fall into a depression and found healthy ways to get out of the depression.  Every so often once I thought I was doing well and with doctor approval, I would wean off my medication and would do well for a year or two, before getting to a place again where I needed more help.

Through hours of therapy, I have now come to realize that I am of infinite worth.  I am deserving of love and affection, and those who don't believe that I am worth their time do not matter.  I need not to give them that kind of power over me.  It's still hard.  I still have bad days where the tasks of daily living just drain it all out of me and people have been unkind and my heart just aches.  But, remembering those words above makes it easier, even on those toughest of days.

{ insta-friday }

I'm following along with Jeannett today and catching up with every thing that happened instagram style this week.

I'm @emilyacarver.

I went out on my first jog of the spring this week.

Besides realizing that I need to do it more often because of I'm not in the shape that I wish I was in, it's so nice that is not a bazillion degrees below zero in MN anymore.

Anyone who knows my youngest knows that this shirt was meant for him...

walked out of the kitchen to find Alex like this...

THIS is why I bought the shirt above.

Buying shoes for my husband is ridiculous.  

And a chore I absolutely hate.

We finally found a store that carries 14W shoes after looking for about an hour and a half.

Love this quote!

How was your week?

{ sleep or the lack there of }

Alex has always been a great sleeper.  For the most part anyways.  However since the time change on Sunday, we haven't been sleeping.  I'm at a loss of what do to for my tired toddler who desperately wants to sleep but for some reason isn't able to settle himself anymore.

Part of me wants to blame who Mike has handled Alex's crying when he was put down a few nights ago.  Instead of letting Alex cry it out for a minute or two (which normal for him, he then settles himself down and sleeps), he promptly picked him up and took him into our room lay with him until he fell asleep.  Now it seems like he isn't willing to or able to settle himself down until we've gone through this ritual. 

Oh, and midnight on the dot for the past few nights, Alex decides that he needs to be up again.  No matter of rocking, cuddles, or singing him to sleep makes this midnight wake up last more than at least 45 minutes.  I'm tired.  Mike's tired.  Alex is tired.  And we're all on our last nerve

To make matters worse, Alex is refusing to eat dinner.  Another concern of mine since he very much loves to shove food in his face.  We've tried different seating arrangements for him (high chair vs booster seat), sitting with him and not sitting with him, even offering things I know he'll eat.  Nothing.  It all ends in tears, both his and mine, and neither of us eating much of anything for dinner.  I've come to hate dinner time since during the week, it's just the boys and I, since Mike doesn't get home until well after dinner time.

I'm out of ideas.  Do you have any?  seriously, I'll take whatever advice I can get.

{ weakness }

Today I went for my first run around the block in an embarrassingly long time.  The half a mile of which I ran (or really jogged), I only really ran about a 1/4th of it.  It still left me puffing for air and my legs and knees are still wobbly and weak.  But with it being nearly 50 in the Twin Cities, I would have been dumb not to get out and enjoy this weather.

It's hard to admit to myself that I really only have myself to blame when it comes to my lack of health and fitness.  It's hard to come to face to face with the fact that if I just loved myself enough, I would actually take care of myself instead of spending valuable time on worrying about what other people think of me.  People that really don't matter at all.  And truth smacked me in the face today when I could barely run a few yards.

I don't know how many times I have promised on this blog that THIS time...I would get my act together and find a way to be healthy.  That I would FINALLY figure out how to manage my household and work life and squeeze in some time to do yoga or take a jog around the block.  Because it hasn't happened yet.

But its not just my fitness.  My marriage, while strong now, is still on wobbly legs.  I know that I'm not yet the wife and partner that my husband needs and desires.  My two boys are my life, I feel I could improve in being a better mom and example for them.  And while financially we are doing better, I feel that we should be so much further in our lives.  

I have spent valuable time just putting one foot in front of the other, instead of being passionate about something...anything that would make this life...my life better.  So today, really is the first day of this new direction.  It's going to be hard, and I will constantly fail until I figure it all out.  It won't be tomorrow or even next week but it's time to take control and move forward.  And finally love this life.

{ insta-catch up}

So it's been a while since I've joined Jeannett for Insta-Friday.

So here's what we've been up too!

::  Alex's first ride on a carousel ::  Mike and Alex on the Ferris wheel ::  Alex and I on the big trucks ::

::  Evan's first grade concert  ::  new "big boy" car seat  ::  Alex secretly wishes he was born in the '80s ::

:: dinner at my favorite restaurant ::  new glasses  ::  honeybee necklace  ::

:: valentine's breakfast date  ::  waiting to watch the LEGO movie  ::  Alex does fabulous at this urology check up ::

::  cute thank you note from the sister missionaries  ::  RSVP'd to this wedding  ::  homemade sesame chicken...yum!  ::