Saturday, April 26, 2014

{ on my heart :: dear brother }

Dear brother,

It's raining here tonight and I'm not exactly sure why I'm thinking of you, but I am.  Maybe it's because you haven't returned phone calls, text messages and Facebook messages in months.  I know you've read them.  I'm not sure what's caused your radio silence, especially since it sounds like I'm the only sibling you haven't blatantly cut off.

The last time we were talked, I knew you were hurting.  I could hear it in your voice that you were both physically and mentally screaming in pain.  I hate that you have turned to what you have to deal with that pain.  Every time we've talked you've wanted to find help.  You just haven't, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because you aren't ready.  Or your wife isn't ready.  Maybe it's because you haven't hit rock bottom yet.  But sadly I wouldn't be surprised if I received a phone call that your vice has taken you.  And what scares me most, is that I almost expect that call any day now.

I watch your nephews, and see all the things you've missed out on.  I see how much they are like you.  I know you would get a kick out of them.  Evan talks about wanting to try out hockey and Alex has no fear, just like you. I see them and know that they will never really know the uncle that fiercely loves them.

Unless something changes.

I want you back, dear brother.  I have missed the closeness that we had once we were both out of the house and grown.  I wish you would talk to me so I can tell you all the things I've wanted to for months.  Even if you aren't ready to get the help that you need, I wish I knew that you were okay.  Even in the slightest sense of the word.  And if you won't talk to me, please talk to someone.  Find a way out of the personal hell you have found yourself in.

We are here for you.  Me, your brother in law, your sisters, and even your dad.  Ready for you whenever you are ready for us.


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