{ what have I gotten myself into }

{ oh boy }

All I can say is "HOLY CRAP!  What in the world did I get myself into!"  It was baptism by fire today.  Evan was sick all night with a 101 fever so we kept him home from kindergarten today.  So instead of sending one away on the bus for a good solid part of the day,  I had two boys home today and since Mike returned to work today, he needed to get some extra  sleep before being up all night at work.

So it was me.  Only me.  With a overactive, 6 year old who doesn't understand when you're sick...you need to lay down and take it easy.  And 10 day old infant who is still trying to figure out breastfeeding even after meeting with a lactation consultant.  Believe  me it wasn't easy trying to balance the two and make sure I got a bite of food and a sip of water at some point during the day.

I knew I was going to struggle to find a balance especially during this time where we are trying to establish a regular schedule with Alex and works with Evan's schedule.  It also doesn't help that feedings for Alex can take upwards to an hour to an hour and half.  I am hopeful that once we figure out how to breastfeed better that feedings won't take nearly as long.

I also feel bad for Evan...I feel like I don't have any time for him anymore.  I try hard to make some time for just me and him even if it's 5 minutes...but it seems like Mike is taking care of him way more than I am.  And I miss the hour before bedtime with Evan.  The cuddles and reading before bed. 

This is hard.  Way harder than I thought it would be.  I know that I just have to stick it out.  It will eventually work itself out, but then of course by then I will be returning to work and then it will be a whole another transition...

::sigh::

At least my boys are cute and caffeine is awesome.

{ Alex's Birth Story }

Alex's entrance into this world was well planned.  It was nothing like my nephew's birth story where my sister decided she was going to have him that day so she decided she wanted to go for a walk around the block.  However, at the time they were living out in farm country where a block was a 4 mile walk....lets just say she only made it 2 miles.

Instead we had a planned C-section because of my previous one with Evan.  I was given the option of a VBAC, but decided that I would most likely end up needing another C-Section anyways.  On the 17th, I got up at 5 am, showered, packed the last of the things that I would need during my hospital stay and cuddled with Evan while waiting for Mike to get home from work so we could head to the hospital.  At 630, we were all checked in (although I have feeling that if hadn't already at a planned C-section, I would have been sent home since they were already had 8 laboring moms) and my mom made sure that Mike went to go get something to eat while we waited.

At 9 am, I walked with the nurses down to the OR and was given my spinal and draped before Mike came in.  Then at 9:24 am, after a couple of attempts to get Alex out, he was born feet first weighing 8 lbs 2 oz and  21 1/4 inches long.  Perfect in every way.

Later that afternoon after recovering for a while, my mother in law brought Evan in to meet his brother.  Evan was excited to meet Alex and hold him.  In fact he wanted little to do with me and was all over his new brother (and has been since Alex was born).

Alex is certainly a perfect addition to our little family and we are so blessed he is finally here.

Here are some pictures from his first day with us...

{ our first picture together ::  Mommy, Daddy, and Alex }

{ Alex's Birth Weight }

{ Evan meeting Alex for the first time }

{ a very proud big brother }

{ checking out his big brother }

{ so sweet ::  so happy to have him here! }

{ introducing Alexander }

Introducing our newest addition!

Alexander Brooks

born September 17th at 9:24 am

weighing 8 lbs 2 oz, 21 1/4 inches long

We are home, tired, and completely happy!

{ the night before }

It's quiet.  Well almost.  Evan's sleeping and I'm attempting to get some sort of rest before tomorrow morning.  

I had planned on doing some grand things today as our last day as a family of three.  Or at least for Evan's last day as an "only".  Instead at 2 am, Evan came down with a fever and didn't sleep well at all.  Finally after getting Mike from work and settling in after some breakfast, Evan napped.  Then as soon as he woke up, he promptly threw up.

After getting him cleaned up and settling him on the couch, he fell back to sleep for a couple of hours.  I took him into urgent care this afternoon simply because I wanted to see what he was sick with.  Especially with a new baby coming tomorrow, if Evan needed to be on antibiotics, then I wanted that started tonight.

Thankfully when we went to Urgent Care, we were the first ones in line in the waiting room, so we got in quickly.  And found out that little boy now has strep throat.  So he's now on antibiotics and will have to be at home and unable to meet his brother now until Tuesday morning.  (which he isn't all too happy about)

If I have learned anything this pregnancy...is you have roll with the punches.  Life quickly changes and the ideals and expectations of how life are never how they are suppose to be.  But that's okay.  It eventually all works itself out anyways.

So, no, We didn't do anything grand for our last day as a family of three.  And tomorrow won't be picture perfect either.  But I did get to cuddle with Evan and spend some one on one time with him.  And tomorrow I'll probably be so out of it that it's probably best that no one will really be coming to visit since I have asked that no one comes until Evan's had a chance to meet Alex first.  And Mike will get some rest (my mom will now be staying with me in the hospital while Mike comes home to be with a sick Evan) that he most likely wouldn't be able to get while he's at the hospital with me.

Regardless, I'm excited.  I can't wait to meet our newest addition....just a few more hours...heck most likely less than 12, and our Alex will be here.

{ one week }

I can't believe that we are already here.  Just a very short week away from becoming a family of 4.  (although if Mr. Alex decided that he wanted to come a bit early...I would be okay with that)  I'm both extremely excited to have Alex here and nervous about being a working mom of 2.  My only saving grace is that Evan is in full time kindergarten and Mike will be home most days with Alex.  And once I go back to work, we'll figure it out from there (it kinda depends on the situation with his kidney and whether or not I can either switch days off or do a half day instead)

I know this week is going to be a whirlwind of last minute shopping, cleaning, rearranging, auto repairs, and my mom arriving in 5 days.  Plus I'll be finishing my last week of work.  I am kicking myself that I'm not already on leave this week (I forgot how much there really is to do right before a baby comes) but I've decided to not pick up the way I have previously.  Simply so I can get everything done before the weekend and try to relax and enjoy the last weekend of Evan being an only.

I know that we'll be okay.  We do have plenty of people around who are willing to help, or at least listen to me freak out about lord knows what.  But I am worried about how we're going to do it all. I'm worried about being mom enough for two.  They both will have extremely different needs and demands on my time.  I'm worried about Evan adjusting to having a baby in the house.  We've tried to include Evan on as much as we can, and talked to him about sharing a room (once Alex is sleeping through the night on a regular basis).  I'm worried about breastfeeding again.  My experience with Evan wasn't bad, but it got off to a rocky start and continued until he was 6 months when he weaned himself off.  I have been reading up on breastfeeding, especially after a C-section, and I'm hoping to connect with a good lactation specialist before I leave the hospital.  I'm worried about Alex's kidney and him being on antibiotics so quickly after birth.  Especially since I've been warned that the antibiotics won't necessarily prevent an infection, but will reduce his chances of getting one.

But even with all those fears and worries, I am looking so forward to having Alex here.  I can't wait for those quiet moments while he is nursing or while I'm rocking him to sleep.  I can't wait to see Evan's reaction to first meeting Alex and then watching the two of them grow up together.  I'm looking for us getting closer to completing our family (we plan on at least one more in a couple of years), and finally moving on in our lives.  I'm  ready for us to grow closer as a family unit and all the chaos that will come with adding another little body into our home.

I do have some peace in know that I'm not alone in all this.  I will have Mike to help ground me and lean on especially in the hard moments.  I have group of excellent doctors who have been there with us every step of the way.  As much as I was hoping to be medication free, I am glad that noticed the signs and currently getting treated for my anxiety and depression.  And I'm so very grateful to have a loving Heavenly Father.  I have been taking comfort in the quote "If God Brings You to it, He'll bring you through it".  He knows what I can handle and what I cannot.  I know that while I will have trials learning how to be a mother two boys, he will be there for comfort.

It's only one week.  But I'm so ready for it.

{ first day of school ::slash:: I completely lost it today }

I knew today was going to be an emotional day since it was the very first time that I was putting my Evan on the bus to go to school.   I thought I was prepared for it.  Even excited for him to start on this adventure.  It wasn't until my camera decided to go to camera heaven (after investing in a new battery and charger) that I become an emotional wreck.

So after a few tears (mine) Mike and I headed downstairs with Evan to put him on the bus.  He didn't even look back or blink when the bus pulled up.  He marched onto the bus and quickly sat down, and before I knew it he was gone.

Thankfully this morning I was distracted by a prenatal checkup and needing to run to the office.  Which helped until I got home.  Mike was sleeping and I was left alone with my thoughts and emotions.  I kept hoping that Evan was having a good day.  That he was making new friends and enjoying being constantly busy the entire school day.  And then I lost it.  I cried and cried hard.  I'm sure having raging hormones from being pregnant didn't help, but I'm sure that even if I wasn't I still would have been crying.

After pushing Mike out of bed, we went to Target to get a new camera.  I mean with a child that is just starting school and a baby that will be here in about 10 days...I need a camera.  We made it home a little before the bus came to drop him off and I was able to snap a few pictures.

{ The bus arriving to drop Evan off }

{ Getting off the Bus }

{ First day of School Picture }

{ telling me about his day }

I had been worried that there would be tears when he got off the bus.  But no, he was tired, but thrilled about school (even having his very first fire drill during Music Class).  He's already pumped to go back tomorrow and I'm hoping that he'll at least fall asleep quickly tonight since he now knows what to expect.

I'm so excited for him and this adventure.  I'm glad that he (at least) seems like he's adjusting quickly to going to school, but I know it's only the first day.  I'm hoping that with him going to school, adjusting to a new baby will be a little easier since he'll have a place to go pretty much everyday.  I'm also hoping that now having to have a pretty regular schedule also helps us with being more prepared and organized...but we'll see.  

{ only 12 days to go }

{ 37 week belly }

Only 12 days to go.

It seems both so far away and too close all at the same time.  Little boy is growing and I swear he will be 9 pounds by the time his delivered.  I'm getting more uncomfortable by the day.  Alex tends to push out and down as much as he can.  Especially in the evening once I get done with work.  In fact, I'm not completely comfortable unless I'm completely stretched out either in bed or on the couch as Alex stretches out.  Only being 5'2" there is only so much room for this little baby to grow.

I've been trying to get everything in order.  Getting all the last minute shopping and nesting done.  And tying up all the loose ends at work before I go on maternity leave until November.  It hasn't been easy especially since I'm ready to hit the hay by 5 pm each night. 

But I'm getting there.  I'm nervous about having 2 running around.  My only saving grace is that Evan will be in school full time starting tomorrow and is old enough to help out a bit more than if he was still a toddler or preschooler.  I know that he's just as excited as we are and will help out as much as he can or that we'll allow.

I know that there is going to be a learning curve.  It's been years since we've had a baby and we're probably a bit rusty.  But eventually we'll find groove.  (I just hope it's while my mom is still here)