{ what have I gotten myself into }

{ oh boy }

All I can say is "HOLY CRAP!  What in the world did I get myself into!"  It was baptism by fire today.  Evan was sick all night with a 101 fever so we kept him home from kindergarten today.  So instead of sending one away on the bus for a good solid part of the day,  I had two boys home today and since Mike returned to work today, he needed to get some extra  sleep before being up all night at work.

So it was me.  Only me.  With a overactive, 6 year old who doesn't understand when you're sick...you need to lay down and take it easy.  And 10 day old infant who is still trying to figure out breastfeeding even after meeting with a lactation consultant.  Believe  me it wasn't easy trying to balance the two and make sure I got a bite of food and a sip of water at some point during the day.

I knew I was going to struggle to find a balance especially during this time where we are trying to establish a regular schedule with Alex and works with Evan's schedule.  It also doesn't help that feedings for Alex can take upwards to an hour to an hour and half.  I am hopeful that once we figure out how to breastfeed better that feedings won't take nearly as long.

I also feel bad for Evan...I feel like I don't have any time for him anymore.  I try hard to make some time for just me and him even if it's 5 minutes...but it seems like Mike is taking care of him way more than I am.  And I miss the hour before bedtime with Evan.  The cuddles and reading before bed. 

This is hard.  Way harder than I thought it would be.  I know that I just have to stick it out.  It will eventually work itself out, but then of course by then I will be returning to work and then it will be a whole another transition...

::sigh::

At least my boys are cute and caffeine is awesome.