{ one week }

I can't believe that we are already here.  Just a very short week away from becoming a family of 4.  (although if Mr. Alex decided that he wanted to come a bit early...I would be okay with that)  I'm both extremely excited to have Alex here and nervous about being a working mom of 2.  My only saving grace is that Evan is in full time kindergarten and Mike will be home most days with Alex.  And once I go back to work, we'll figure it out from there (it kinda depends on the situation with his kidney and whether or not I can either switch days off or do a half day instead)

I know this week is going to be a whirlwind of last minute shopping, cleaning, rearranging, auto repairs, and my mom arriving in 5 days.  Plus I'll be finishing my last week of work.  I am kicking myself that I'm not already on leave this week (I forgot how much there really is to do right before a baby comes) but I've decided to not pick up the way I have previously.  Simply so I can get everything done before the weekend and try to relax and enjoy the last weekend of Evan being an only.

I know that we'll be okay.  We do have plenty of people around who are willing to help, or at least listen to me freak out about lord knows what.  But I am worried about how we're going to do it all. I'm worried about being mom enough for two.  They both will have extremely different needs and demands on my time.  I'm worried about Evan adjusting to having a baby in the house.  We've tried to include Evan on as much as we can, and talked to him about sharing a room (once Alex is sleeping through the night on a regular basis).  I'm worried about breastfeeding again.  My experience with Evan wasn't bad, but it got off to a rocky start and continued until he was 6 months when he weaned himself off.  I have been reading up on breastfeeding, especially after a C-section, and I'm hoping to connect with a good lactation specialist before I leave the hospital.  I'm worried about Alex's kidney and him being on antibiotics so quickly after birth.  Especially since I've been warned that the antibiotics won't necessarily prevent an infection, but will reduce his chances of getting one.

But even with all those fears and worries, I am looking so forward to having Alex here.  I can't wait for those quiet moments while he is nursing or while I'm rocking him to sleep.  I can't wait to see Evan's reaction to first meeting Alex and then watching the two of them grow up together.  I'm looking for us getting closer to completing our family (we plan on at least one more in a couple of years), and finally moving on in our lives.  I'm  ready for us to grow closer as a family unit and all the chaos that will come with adding another little body into our home.

I do have some peace in know that I'm not alone in all this.  I will have Mike to help ground me and lean on especially in the hard moments.  I have group of excellent doctors who have been there with us every step of the way.  As much as I was hoping to be medication free, I am glad that noticed the signs and currently getting treated for my anxiety and depression.  And I'm so very grateful to have a loving Heavenly Father.  I have been taking comfort in the quote "If God Brings You to it, He'll bring you through it".  He knows what I can handle and what I cannot.  I know that while I will have trials learning how to be a mother two boys, he will be there for comfort.

It's only one week.  But I'm so ready for it.