{ insta-friday :: catchin' up again }

I'm so bad at keeping up with this...but here's what we've been up to the past few weeks according to my cellphone pictures...

::  monster butt :: the boys at Pahl's Market ::

::  How Evan loves being a big brother ::  Alex in the Corn pit ::

::  I seriously want one of these chickens - not really sure why ::  what a punk! ::

::  So tiny in his red crib ::  In our home - boys rule - I'm so out numbered! ::

::  Alex in his SwaddleMe ::  Putting Evan to work scrapping the windows ::

::  waiting for shots at Alex's 2 month checkup ::  where we spent Wednesday evening...not fun ::

::  Some days all you want is your mommy ::  huge stuffed horse at costco ::

:: scripture study ::  Evan doing his homework ::

::  infected toe a couple weeks ago meant soaking Evan's feet three times a day ::

{ embrace the camera :: me & my boys }

I'm so in love with this picture of me & my boys...

my little two month old cuteness & my super silly goofball...

perfection!

{ (nearly) naked }

Some days you just want to be (nearly) naked & scream your head off.

&

Today apparently was one of those days.  

{ cousins }

When I grew up we didn't live very close to any of our cousins - the closest cousins were a couple hours away.  When I got married to Mike one of the things that I loved about his family was how close his extended family was - they always seemed like they were doing something.

Of course we have had our hiccups and bumps in the road with so much family living in such close proximity.  But I love that we only live about 30 minutes from all of Evan's and Alex's cousins.  I'm hoping that this won't ever really change (and I honestly doubt it - since on Mike's side they all live here - and for my sister - my youngest sister & I are here & all her husband's extended family is in the area too).

I'm so glad that my boys get to know their cousins and will hopefully have good friendships with all of them and happy memories of growing up together.

{ Max & Evan }

{ Alex & Addy }

{ Addy & Levi ( who are 4 months older than Alex) & Alex }

{ Max, Levi, Evan, & Alex }

{ Evan, Ellie, Max, Levi, Alex, Addy }

{ Evan, Alex, & Harper }

{ Evan & Harper }

{ 2 months }

{ yay!  2 months...a day late...opps! }

Nicknames:  Billy Goat, Chunk-a-Munk, Fuss-bucket, Little Boy, Little One, Squeaker

Weight:  Not sure but a little over a week ago he was 11 pounds 15 ounces with his clothes on

Clothing: 0-3 months...still loose - but he's starting to fill them out

Diapers:  size one

Food:  Nurses or drinks expressed milk.  Definitely prefers to nurse whenever possible & will pretty much only take a bottle from anyone but me.

Firsts:  Made it through church twice!  Met Uncle Joe, Aunt Maggi, and Harper.  Met Milli.  MN Zoo trip. Halloween & Trick or Treating.  Met Cousin Jen, Dave, and Jon.  Home with Daddy while I'm at work.

Life with Alex:  It's been an interesting month.  Our once easier going baby has seemed to be more fussier this past month.  I'm not exactly buying the company line that his hydronephrosis (extra fluid in his left kidney) doesn't cause him any discomfort.  He doesn't act that he's severely uncomfortable, but there are times where he's incredibly mad about something and will scream for hours - not fun for anyone!

BUT...when he's not fussy, he's super smiley and loves to "talk" (or coo, technically).  Some days he will take 2 really good naps and a few cat naps, other days he will only cat nap the entire day.  He definitely knows when it's bed time, because around 7, he starts to get fussy if I don't start our bedtime routine - turning off the tv, bath, jammies, nurse, & then he will lay either in his crib or on our bed while I play a lullaby station on Pandora until he passes out.  He doesn't really want to be rocked to sleep - he's perfectly content with just laying there swaddled in a SwaddleMe or Halo blanket with his nuk until he falls asleep.  

Going back to work was hard.  What makes it easier is that he is home with Mike 4 days out of the week, and then I'm home for 1.  So no daycare.  Not that I'm anti-daycare.  It's just super expensive and it works out with how our work schedules are not to have that extra expense.  I'm sure there will be a time when he will go into daycare - but for now I enjoy my days off with my littlest sidekick and Mike and Alex seemed to have really bonded.

Here are some more pictures of the boys:

{ i will be your home }

I will be your home...

I will be your guide...

I will be your friend...

always on your side....

- "Night Mantra" by Renee & Jeremy

As those words played on Pandora, tears stung the back of my eyes.  For whatever reason - those words tugged at my heart.  It was as if I was being reminded by my Heavenly Father what motherhood is all about.

He entrusted me with two beautiful boys.  To create a loving & peaceful home - full of joy, laughter, and happy memories.  To guide them through this earthy adventure.  To teach them & help them become the men they have the potential to be.  To love them completely & totally.  & to have them that regardless of what they do I will be there to love them & support them unconditionally.

I have been struggling.  Learning how to still be the mom Evan needs me to be & how to become the mom Alex needs me to be has left me grasping at straws.  Most days I do okay - I know I could do better - be better.  Other days my patience is gone 30 seconds after rolling out of bed - & I just snap at whoever or whatever happens to be in my path.  In those times, I feel like a horrible mom & need to take a moment to regroup.  Remind myself it will all be okay & try to enjoy the crazy mess that being a mom to a 6 year old & 8 week old is.

I hope to very soon have those words on canvases over Alex's crib to help remind me in those times when I'm losing my mind & my patience is all by shot - That I am their home.  their guide.  their friend.  always on their side.  & so much more -

because I'm their mom.

{ <3 you two }

{ we have an answers...sort of }

{ waiting for the urologist :: story of our lives }

Today we went back to St Paul to meet with Alex's urologist & get the results of the renograph he had done a week ago & it seems like surgery is in Alex's future...sort of...most likely...uh...hmmm...yeah.  The results of the renograph did confirm that Alex has a pretty severe blockage in junction where the ureter and kidney meet & it is unlikely that it will resolve itself because of how the kidney performed during the test even with an added diuretic.

{ getting cranky... }

BUT...Surgery won't happen tomorrow or even this month.  Instead in a month we go back to the urologist to have another ultrasound to see if it is resolving itself & if not - we'll discuss surgery further.  She does believe that we will be discussing surgery to correct this blockage but she wants to give Alex more time to grow & get stronger.  There is a very slim chance that it will resolve itself but all of us (yes, even Mike & I) are doubtful that we'll see any change in 4 weeks.

{ I seriously love this onesie }

I'm not surprised at the results & that surgery is becoming more of a reality for Alex.  It would be much easier for all of us if his kidney would just cooperate & fix itself so we could discontinue the antibiotics & stop spending all our days off at the doctors office.  But I am thankful that we now have more an idea of which direction we are headed in.  I'm also thankful that through all this Alex has been a trooper & super healthy in spite of all that stagnate urine in his kidney.

{ fist pump for being a trooper }

So once again...we wait...but with knowing which direction we're headed in...kinda.

{ like a boss }

On Thursday after putting Evan on the bus, we packed up Alex and headed to Children's Hospital in St. Paul for Alex to have a renograph before our next urology appointment on November 8th.  This test is basically to see how well his kidneys work and to see if his hydronephrosis is caused by a blockage in his ureter.  For this test Alex had to have an IV (which he received fluids, a dye for the renograph, and lasix - to make his kidneys work quicker) and a catheter (to keep his bladder empty).  He also had to lay in this black padded bed that he was strapped into for about an hour while they watched his kidneys.

With all that at 6 1/2 weeks - he rocked it...like a BOSS!  He fussed a little - but for the most part he laid there quietly which I gave him a bottle and stroked his head.  He also did fairly well when they placed the IV and catheter...I mean he didn't enjoy it by any means but he definitely could have put up a bigger fight then he did.  Mike had to go out into to the hallway while they placed the IV and catheter because he probably would have put up a bigger fight than Alex if he stayed in the room.

The only bad part is we now have to wait until November 8th to get the results.  I really hate playing the waiting game.  I want to know how bad it is and what the game plan is going to be.  We've been dealing with this since our 19 week ultrasound and I feel like I've been patient enough.  We discussed that if the urologist we're seeing doesn't have much more of a game plan then what we are already doing (unless it looks like it's resolving itself - although I'm doubtful that it is) we're going to go to another urologist for a second opinion.  However, I'm hopeful that it won't come to that.

Alex has been amazing with all this.  He's gone through all these exams and tests like a champ.  He takes his antibiotics and vitamins without a fuss.  He still seems to be fine with being carted to doctor appointment after doctor appointment (seriously...I think we've seem more doctors this year alone then we have in the past 6 years when Evan was born).  I know he doesn't know much different since this is all he's known in his short life - but I couldn't be prouder of him...

{ hoping this is one of the last times I have to see my baby with an IV }