But really it comes down to fear. Fear of failing. Fear of still not liking what I see in the mirror when I reach my goal weight. Fear that instead of finding myself on this journey, I will only lose myself more.
It's sad that fear is holding me back. I'm not really sure how to conquer my fear except to start this journey once and for all. To look in the mirror and tell myself how important this journey is. How I can only improve from here. And it need to go on this journey to become a healthier and happier me.
Yes, it's going to take some work and improvements to my time management. But life right now is passing me by. I have kept waiting for a signal or for something epic to happen to start this journey and now I'm wondering what I'm really waiting for.
It's time to tackle my demons with emotional eating and strengthening my body with exercise. It's time to discover exactly what I'm made out of and show myself that I'm desiring of love. If from no one else but myself.
While I would like to say by December 31st, I would like to be at my goal weight of 120 pounds, I don't know if that's plausible since I'm currently at 238 pounds. I'm the heaviest I have ever been and this was my final weight before giving birth to Alex 16 months ago. So I have broken my weight loss down into 4 stages and will focus on losing 47 pounds for now and will focus on making weekly fitness goals and reporting my results here on Mondays.
For this week:
- To keep an accurate food journal to really see what exactly I put into my mouth. It will hopefully keep my honest and show myself what I'm really fueling my body with.
- Drink 2/3 Nalgene bottles full of water a day
- Workout at least 4 times with week - mostly likely weigh tloss yoga DVD.