{ tomorrow }

Tomorrow we get another peek at little boy.  Last week, I received a phone call from my OB with the results of my ultrasound.  Everything looked good except baby had one enlarged kidney.  I barely remember what else she said except it was common in boys, it's nothing to worry about, and MFM will call to set up the appointment.

This past week I've gone through the gambit of emotions.  First anger that it took them a week to let us know something was wrong.  I know realistically the tech is unable to say if something is wrong and my OB is only in the office 2 days a week, but if it was something that was so concerning where I needed to go have someone else look at it, why the heck didn't the tech call someone in?  Why I was allowed to walk away thinking that everything was just fine?

And then of course I cried.  Because I was so blown away by the unexpected news, I didn't really ask the questions I should have asked.  Like how enlarged is the kidney and what are the possible causes.  She mentioned something about reflux.  Which apparently means that the urinary system is immature and urine backs up into the kidneys.  About 80% of all cases fix themselves by birth or shortly after.  Another 20% require some sort of surgery a couple months after the baby is born.

There could be other reasons for the enlarged kidney but I won't have the answer until tomorrow.  I won't let myself even go there to be honest with you.  Yes, I'm scared.  But for all I know, we could go in tomorrow morning and find out that everything has already taken care of itself.  And if not, I'm holding out that it's just the reflux because it's not life threatening, it's most likely going to fix itself and if not, he'll need a surgery - I can handle that.  maybe.

But every kick has been reassurance that he's still growing and doing well.  It wasn't the news that I wanted to hear or even needed to hear with a pregnancy that I have been on edge about since the miscarriage.  But in the end we're praying that it all work out in the end.  And I'm sure it will.  kinda of.


p.s. all I can say is good thing our appointment is first thing in the morning